On one of my thrift-store runs I found the perfect teacup.
A once-in-a-lifetime perfection. Vibrant blue and white on the inside, wrapped in a deep, iron-heavy brown.
I had read about this Japanese porcelain, known as Capucin, named after the brown colored robes the Capuchin friars wore, but had never seen any.
It was all there—staring me right in the eye—sturdy saucers with elegantly shaped cups, and un-broken ears!
Goodness gracious—ears as whimsical as one can hope for in good porcelain.
It was true love at first sight.
'But,' I told myself:, 'who needs teacups nowadays?'
And wise and collected I walked away, returning to the 978 teacups I already own.
It stung though, the Regret.
"It's not the note you play that's the wrong note –
it's the note you play afterwards that makes it right or wrong."
—Miles Davis
Miles Davis
Perfect Cup
Ice Coffee
Of course, most regret is not about teacups.
It is about things far less material. People. Life decisions.
A List...
The friendship we neglected.
An apology we could not give.
Words spoken in anger.
A dream abandoned too soon.
Boundaries we could not set.
Moments we didn't notice.
The risk we never took.
Or things we should have said at the right time.
It would be easy for me to say: live without regrets.
But it would be ignorant too, because the irreversibility of some regrets has real weight.
I'd rather say: re-think your regrets.
Because believing that a mistake is permanent can be dangerous and most of the time not true.
We all make mistakes—every life accumulates those—but holding on to regret does not let us see beyond that one moment.
As if the story ended there.
As if one wrong note ruined the entire song.
But it doesn't.
This story has only just begun.
Dissonant
Herbie Hancock told the story behind the Miles Davis' quote. During a concert, after one of Davis' spectacular solos, Hancock accidentally played a wrong chord.
Dissonant. Jarring.
So wrong!
He froze and saw this as the moment he killed his career.
But Miles Davis paused only for a brief moment, then continued. Improvising his next notes into harmony with the dissonant chord.
He did not erase or start over, nor did he get embarrassed or angry.
Instead he wrote a new story.
Something unexpected, harmonious, and quite beautiful.
And isn't this what life is? Or what life should be? I have to remind myself of this too.
How we can spend years staring at the wrong note. Regretting how we played it.
Or—or—or… we can keep playing.
Forward.
Using the dissonance as an important part of the story. The soundtrack of our growth…
And thus far my Wednesday morning thoughts, brought to you by a set of Japanese teacups.
Which, obviously, does not apply to the tea set and me.
Because I forgot to tell you, that the complete set of six cups and saucers was about a century old (really!) and would have cost me 19 dollars.
I am still not sure how I can ever recover from that.
My Own Dream
I am so incredibly proud of my own little store. A dream I didn't wait with.
Not because it became an instant success, or because it is grand and beautiful.
But because I am doing it.
My husband Helmut makes the photos and videos, my friend Ginny helps with shipping, and I do the rest.
It is thoughtful, story-driven, slightly chaotic at times, and made with enormous love.
I'd love to welcome you to the store.
Questions:
- Think of one regret you still re-visit. Ask yourself (with grace) what the next note could look like?
- (This might hurt a little.) What text can you send? Who should you apologize to? What do you need to apply to? Who should you bring some flowers?
Do it. Well done. - How does it feel (no. 2). Did you see yourself grow in this?
- Ask God if there's anything else He wants to show you in regards to regrets.
- We're going to listen to some jazz (You need a teacup for this).
I find jazz difficult to listen to. I like structure and melody and resolution, but I am learning to listen differently. Trying to notice how the music keeps moving through dissonance and somehow is okay with it. So here we go :
-Make tea.
-Put on Miles Davis' Ascenseur pour l'échafaud. Davis was known for his improvising. And much of the soundtrack was improvised in one sitting while Davis watched the film.
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